This is a phrase with which I’ve become more comfortable. When I was a believer I thought I had a book with all the answers to everything. That god had an explanation for the inner workings of the universe all the way down to my little life on a speck of dust in it. Any moral question, any cosmological question, any question about what I was supposed to do with my life, was written down for me. Life was simpler then I suppose. I didn’t have to do much thinking.
As I deconverted I began to realize I don’t know everything anymore, at least in my own mind. This was a scary realization at first. How was I going to make decisions? I used to pray before nearly every decision I made and wait for a response from god. That obviously wasn’t going to work now. I used to look through my Bible and search for answers, also won’t work any more.
I began to realize what I was really doing all that time was mulling over the options in that prayer time and settling on what I thought was the best direction to go. So with that problem somewhat solved I still had some of those big questions up there that I didn’t know the answer to. What happens when we die? Where did the universe come from? How did life start? The more I thought about it the more comfortable with “I don’t know” as an answer. Sure I can do some research and learn as much as I could about those things if they really bothered me. The truth of the matter is they don’t. I don’t have any real vested interest in those things. They don’t have any bearing on my day to day life. I don’t plan on becoming an expert in cosmology or biology, nor to I have a plan to be a professional debater on these topics, so I don’t know is a comfortable answer for now.
0 replies on “I don’t know”
Isn’t it strange how comfortable those words can become after you’ve deconverted? I know exactly what you mean!
So true! I’m sorry to hear about your grandmother 🙁